Grand Sultan in Selhet

On December 30^th, we got to go on the honeymoon while Shaz and Rajib stayed home.  Salehuddin had arranged a trip to the Selhet area of Bangladesh, known for its beauty and the tea plantations that remain from the British era.

We stayed at a wonderful 5-star hotel named The Grand Sultan.  And, we were treated like sultans!  Dalton Zahir, the hotel’s manager, met us at the door the moment we arrived, and frequently checked in with us throughout our stay to see how we were doing.  We were doing fine!  For one thing, they had a wonderful swimming pool.  Although we were the only women in Western swimsuits (i.e. not fully covered), we were welcomed poolside.  A heated pool with a hot tub, it felt fantastic after the harrowing ride up.

We had a pretty aggressive driver on the roads up and back.  Snugly packed into a micro-bus, all seven pairs of our eyes were fixed on the road, as the driver swayed around corners and bumped over potholes.  Several times we just knew we were going to be an accident, especially one with a cow that he didn’t see. 

One good thing about having our own driver, however, was that we could stop when we wanted.  I wanted to stop a few more times than the rest of my fellow passengers, but we did stop in a village where they were harvesting and drying rice.  I think we made their entire week!  The owner of the rice mill proudly showed us around.  And, the workers gathered to get a better view of us ‘foreigners’.  

The mill's proud owner

Women raking rice to aid its drying

Local women coming to see the "foreigners"

And, we did get good views of the countryside en route.

Mustard field,
with colorful laundry drying on the hills

While at the Grand Sultan, highlights included:

Chandra leads the way into the park

·      Lawachara National Park.  We had read that there was a nearby rain forest. One day Dalton provided us with a fantastic guide for the day.  His name was Chandra, and he showed us all around the local area.  I almost didn’t go, because                                                                            
       I was still plagued by my cough.  Mark did stay back because he had a head cold, and he didn't know how great it was going to be!  We went for a one-hour walk, and stayed four.

We left at 8:00 a.m. We probably should have left even earlier to see more animal activity, but we got to see a LOT of monkeys - adults and babies – swinging and jumping in the trees.  It was fun to see them in the wild.  Some even sat and posed for us!

Monkeys weren't the only wildlife!

No, these aren't monkeys!

A path through the park

The national park is well maintained.  For years, the local people would harvest the wood for heating or for money.  But, both the Bangladesh government and US AID have invested in the preservation of this park for research and biodiversity purposes.  They also employ many local people as foresters and guides, to replace the lost income from/ and prevent further cutting of more trees.  

Preparing beetle nut leaves

·  The village within the park.  Chandra knew of a local ethnic village existing within the boundaries of the park, and took us to visit.  Built in the hillside, the village is quite removed from outside influences.  One of the products they bundle for market are beetle nut leaves.   

Village life

  





New Year’s Eve.  The seven of us celebrated the end of 2014 with a nice dinner, followed by drinks in John and Sophie’s room, and a few dances at midnight.  We went together to the “disco” like dance at about 11:30 p.m. and stayed through the count down to midnight.  From village life to night life, it will be easy to remember how we rang in 2015!

A Bit About Bangladesh

When I was in high school there were two Pakistans – West and East.  These were created during in the partition of British Colonial India in 1947, when the land and people of primarily Hindu religion became India, and the land and people of primarily Muslim religion became Pakistan.  During our visit, people still talked about the partition.  They recalled that, in some cases, the partition line ran down a street, separating neighbors and families into two different countries.  One person said he remembered where the line was drawn through the middle of a house – with the kitchen in one country, and the bedrooms in the other.

So, Bangladesh was East Pakistan when I was still in high school.  However, the year after I graduated, East Pakistan fought for its independence (with many lives), achieving it in 1971.   While 90 percent of its population is Muslim, it was emphasized to me that it is not an Islamic state.  Its name was intentionally chosen:  People’s Republic of Bangladesh.  All religions are welcome.  In fact, the friends of Salehuddin and Nahar's that Jim and I stayed with were Christian.  Wonderful people, we hope to host them at our house when they come to the USA to see their sons.  Here they are:

Paul, Pretti, Jim and Paul's sister and niece

You can, however, tell aspects of the majority Muslim faith in daily life.  You wake up each day to the calls to prayer, starting about 5:15 a.m.  Where we stayed, you could hear three mosques.  First the baritone voice would start, then a bass, then a tenor.  I actually loved hearing the calls to prayer - the voices lingered when they were done, floating over the city, asking us all to be mindful and thankful.   At one location, we were up high and looked down upon a jail.  Each small cement cell held two prisoners, and when I was looking, most were at prayer.

Very few restaurants serve alcohol in Dhaka.  No alcohol was served at any of the wedding events about which I have just written.  

Most of us in the West have only one image of Bangladesh – and that is one of extreme poverty.  And, Bangladesh does have poverty.   The majority of its people work 10 hours for less than one US dollar/day, including many children.   And, it has the highest population density in the world.  Mark figured out that Bangladesh is smaller than Iowa in landmass, yet it contains half the population of the United States inside its borders!  

Having said that, the size of Bangladeshi families is declining, Bangladesh is growing economically, and Bangladeshis have hope for its future.  It has had an annual growth of 6% for the last ten years – primarily from the garment industry, natural gas, and agriculture.  Some of you may have read the book, Where We Wear, which addresses the human cost of the clothing we wear.  But there are two-sides to Bangladesh’s garment industry story.  On the one hand, the women do work long hours for low wages.  On the other, it has given many women employment, translating into another choice for women than an early marriage at ages as young as 14 or 15.  

Men use henna on their hair and beards.
The red color is considered very fashionable.

Here are a few more scenes that give some sense of Dhaka:

The rickshaw pedalers often had four to five passengers

Shop with fresh chickens for sale

The Reception at Rajib’s Family Home

Even though there’s already been four solid days of wedding events, the celebration is not yet over.  There is still the reception to be held, hosted by Rajib’s family, planned for January 10^th.  It’s planned to be a joint reception with Rajib’s sister, because (can you believe it?) she is getting married within a few days of Rajib!  But, because we won’t be in Bangladesh at that time, they hold a smaller reception at their home for December 29^th for us and other wedding guests who have come from far away. 

Shaz' aunt and cousin from California

On the 29^th, however, the reception is “on again/off again” all day long because a hartal has been called across the entire country.  As I understand it, a hartal is a work stoppage of all the transportation drivers, called by the opposition party.  It is considered dangerous to try to drive anywhere during the period of a hartal.  We are really saddened by this, as we won’t get to see Shaz and Rajib again before we have to leave Dhaka. 

At first, the hartal is called from dawn to dusk, and we plan to leave after 5 p. for Rajib’s family home.  Then, the hartal is called from dawn to dawn, and we think we cannot go at all.  Then, the hartal is back to being from dawn to dusk – and off we set. 

Drinks and snacks are served.

Their decorated bedroom...

Rajib's brother showed us
a family business that makes T shirts.

I’m really glad we were able to go.  At all the other events, there were so many people around.  This event was much more casual and “just the immediate families” at Rajib’s.  

In particular, we were able to get to know Rajib’s sister and brother much better.  We talked.  A fantastic meal was served.  We talked some more.  
















Rajib and Shaz showed Jim and me how their bedroom was decorated by the family with jasmine and roses. 

... We can be lovebirds, too!

Then, Shaz led Mark, Sophie, John, and me downstairs.  Rajib’s family had a badminton court set up ready to play.  I tried, and failed miserably.  Shaz did really well, considering she was playing in a sari.  

The best badminton player

The best at coot, coot, coot

But, the highlight of the evening was playing a form of hopscotch.  With chalk, you draw a regular numbered board on the cement.  Then, you throw a rock and jump just like we are familiar.  The only difference is that you have to say, “coot coot coot” the whole time you are hopping!  Try it sometime.  It makes it a much harder game.  Mark Schnepf did himself proud!

The Wedding Day

By the day of the wedding celebration on December 27th, Beth and I had dressed in saris for two days in a row, but we still hadn't figured out how to put one on ourselves!  We decided to “splurge” and went to the parlor for professional help.  It was great fun!

 

The parlor is quite the practice here in Dhaka.  We both decided to let them apply their “normal” professional make-up, even if it would be considered “over the top” for us.  I had my eyebrows threaded, which I had never experienced before.  Then, they applied facial foundation thick and even.  It didn’t cover all my wrinkles, but it did smooth out the deepest ones.  Both of us got false eyelashes, gold glitter eye shadow, and bright lipstick. 

We then were dressed in our saris.  I got to wear a beautiful rose colored one this time. Beth’s was a gorgeous rust and gold.  The women helping us knew just how to pleat, drape, and tuck the material into our petticoat waists, before firmly pinning all in place.  (I am told they use safety pins only on Westerners.)  What do you think of the final result?   We were ready.

This day was the formal wedding event.  It was held at a third venue, again bedecked beautifully.  The large hall was draped with white sheer material at the doors and from the ceilings, and filled  with linen-covered round tables.  Vases filled with lights and red roses sat atop each.  

 

The greeters at the door

Shaz arrived with us.  Today, she is dressed in a red sari – and wears a lot of gold.  In addition to gold around her wrists, she wears traditional gold jewelry that attaches to her nose called a noth. 

Nahar had asked Elizabeth and I come early to greet the other guests as they arrive.  Soon, other friends of hers join us, and we present quite the gauntlet of women greeters. 

The beautiful bride

Rajib pays to get in.

Rajib and his family arrives later, but he is blocked at the door by Shaz’ friends and family.  He must pay to enter!  (The young cousins really like this part, because they get to keep any money that he hands over.)  Apparently he pays enough, because he gets to enter.  

He and Shaz are then seated on a stage in gold chairs.  And, they once again take pictures, pictures, pictures with nearly everyone in attendance.  Traditionally, the bride and groom are to stay quite serious on the wedding pictures.  The bride is to be especially demure.  But, Shaz and Rajib don’t stop smiling.   Hours of photographs later, they are still smiling. 

Women and girls of all ages
look beautiful in their saris

I'm smiling, too.  I love looking around at all the beautiful women in their saris:

Finally, Shaz and Rajib conduct a few rituals signifying their new life that I don’t quite understand.  I watch them place a floral wreath over each other’s head, and also look into a mirror together.  I don’t know what they saw in their mirror, but Shaz looks happier about it than Rajib!

Around 11:00 p., people start filing out.  The most touching part of the day comes when Irina, Nahar, and Salehuddin have to say good-bye to Shaz.  This time, she’s going home with Rajib’s family.  Irina starts to cry.  And, Salehuddin (a fairly controlled and dignified man) tears up when he gives Shaz that final hug.  Off into the night they go, starting their new journey as husband and wife.